


Accepts it as what it is?

by dani5151



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Bliss, F/F, Family Drama, Sick Character, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-03 20:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15826146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dani5151/pseuds/dani5151
Summary: Life just never get easier. Cosima should have known, the grimaces that Delphine did now and then weren't just about the gunshot scar or heart burn. But acute heart failure? Why this universe just couldn't be nice to this couple once?OrCharlotte decided to stay with Cosima instead of Sarah's family when they offered it. She felt loved, saw love, it was so palpable anyway. The science experiments, bedtime stories with french accent and Eskimo Pie might just be her favorite childhood memories.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Delphine noticed the discomfort in the middle of her chest. It was when they were on the plane, ready to deliver the cure to Leda's sisters in another country. She felt it particularly when they didn't reach the airport on schedule, so they had to run like a school kid. Perhaps it was just the pain from pulling of her gunshot scar that radiated to her chest, the fascia under the skin did that to almost everyone anyway, radiating pain. But it was definitely worth it if that means a little bit of sexy time in the morning with her wife, Cosima Niehaus.

 

The second time that alarmed her was the time when they were moving the furniture around, so that they would have a room ready when Charlotte move in. Maybe it was just the physical strain that pulled the scar tissues and again the fascia was to blame, that affected the heart again. It was the only possibility, right? What else could it be?

 

But Cosima did mentioned quite a few time about her heartbeat being arhythmic while Cosima was nesting in her chest after both of them being naked, sweaty, panting and boneless. Perhaps she should listen to Cosima, a body check up wouldn't hurt, and (Delphine smirked) this way, she could asked Cosima to go with her and convinced her to have a check up that was long due, ever since they escaped from the island. But, Cosima hated hospital, especially body check up in particular. So, excuses acquired.

 

===

 

Of course, Delphine had her way and successfully convinced Cosima to make appointment for the both of them during a day that Cosima did not have to lecture, and Delphine applied a day off with her HOD, in a pharmaceutical industry. Cosima, almost panic when Delphine mentioned about her discomfort, until Delphine asked her to do a body check up too and soon enough she realized it was just a trap. But, who could say no to Dr Delphine Niehaus while she showed those puppy eyes?

 

That morning after Charlotte went to school, Cosima put on those sport wears that had not been touched for years, and pulled Delphine out from the sofa to go for a jog together before the body check up, like 3 hours later. 

 

"Cosima, wait up!" Delphine shouted from the front door, laughing, while still putting on her sport shoes, "I though you said jogging together?". Cosima, already at the front gate, running on the spot warming up, waiting Delphine patiently.

 

"Come on, Delphine!" Cosima called out excitedly, when they finally put some distances between their home, "You know, the doctor will definitely advices us to do exercise regularly, like 30 minutes a day", she turned her head facing Delphine instead of looking straight on the road, "at least I could tell the doctor we did 1 hour" a pause, "this year" finished with the significant Leda's throaty laughter. Delphine, who tied her golden curl high up in a messy bun, jogging next to her couldn't help but joined her with her eye rolled into her brain. Jogging and laughing were both very simple exercises to raise the heart rate and burn some calories. But combined together, for the two person that had not done any proper exercises for years, it exhausted them fast. 

 

5 minutes later.

 

"I felt like it had been 30 minutes," Cosima's cheeks were pink, " lets run back and finish the next 30 minutes", panting and pulling more air into her lungs, "shall we?". Cosima turned head almost 180 degree, only to find where Delphine was, at least 30 meters far behind her, body bent forward, one hand pressing on her knee. another hand hold at her chest, panting. Cosima then jogged back until she was right in front of her wife, "Hey, Dr LongLeg, ain't you supposed to outrun me?" she teased, "For someone who had polyps in lungs before, outrun a "doctor", you know," breathed in once more "maybe body check up just really not necessary," trying to avoid the bloody body check up with yet another excuses. She bent down to search for some eye rolling reply, found none.

 

What Cosima found was, her wife pursing her lips and closed her beautiful eyes so tightly that might linked to the fist that closed around her heart. "Cosima" was what Delphine managed to breath out with her straining throat weakly. Cosima's hands were suddenly all over Delphine's shoulders tand hands, trying to support her? to comfort her? to hold her? Cosima didn't even know it herself, she panicked. "you ready for the body check up?" Delphine asked, panting and struggling to stand up straight. She looked paler than ever, the lower lip that she always bite on, looked liked it was covered with a thin layer of flour. "Do you mind if we move up the appointment 2 hours earlier?"

 

===

 

Sarah received a call this morning with an very unorganized conversation from Cosima, something about Delphine - admitted to hospital - help her pick up Charlotte. So when she arrived the ward with Charlotte and some changing clothes for the couple, she saw Delphine asleep in bed and Cosima sitting right next to the bed, one hand holding her wife's for dear life and the other hand nonstop tucking the non-existed stray hair behind Delphine's ear. 

 

Cosima thought this must be a sick joke. How could they just got away from a patient's bed to end up in another. The worse part, the doctor who always played doctor, now was the one hooked with lines and tubes, with the beeping machine that only served to remind her why they ended up here. "Her heart is failing" the cardiologist's voice echoed in her mind louder and louder. Delphine's heart is failing, arrhythmia, reason unknown.

 

Sarah cleared her throat before she called "Cosima," she was about to comment something like "give her ear some rest, will ya?" but decided holding back.

Cosima upon hearing who's calling her, immediately turned her head to where the sound came from, "Hey, Sarah, you came" she smiled weakly, she saw Sarah holding a duffel bag and Charlotte standing behind her, "and Charlotte!" sounded a bit surprised, "you came too, come here" more like a question rather than a statement.

"Yea, after we collected some clothes for both the three of you, pass it to you, then Charlotte will stay with me and Kira for the night," Sarah explained and placed the duffel bag at the sofa nearby, "She insisted to visit and say goodnight, she is worried" Sarah couldn't help but noticed Cosima's red eyes and the.. sport wear? 

"Mummy, I missed you, how's mama?" Charlotte ran straight into Cosima's arm that was extended to her, while the other hand never letting go of Delphine's hand. 

"Your mama was, hmm, having some chest pain this morning, she went through some tests just now" Cosima tried her best to explained the situation without worried or lied to her child.

"Is mama going to be okay? What tests?" Charlotte couldn't help but asked. 

"There were blood test, Echocardiogram, MRI and CT scan, the doctor said she will need to, need to.. " upon seeing Cosima struggling to explain the hard fact to their child, Delphine who woke from her restless nap came to help.

"need to rest in bed for awhile before going back home." she sounded raspy having just awoke from the nap. 

"Mama" "Delphine" Charlotte and Cosima called out at the same time. 

"We are so sorry, we couldn't pick you up from school today, how was school today?" said Delphine trying to distract Charlotte, but her tactic just failed miserably while trying to use her free hand from the other side of the bed to reach her child face, only to found it restricted by the IV line. 

"The school is fine, as usual, nothing as excited as our home science experiments" Charlotte replied, having picked up the cheeky side from Cosima just by staying with them for almost half a year, she was definitely a fast learner, the smart one. Sarah rolled her eyes while noticed this and sighed.

Finally, Delphine realized that Sarah was there, "How are you feeling, petit chiot?" the question asked with the serious face that was full of worried and care with that thick British accent mocking just made the four of them burst into laughter. 

"I feel fine now," Delphine answered to Sarah then turned to face Charlotte, reassuring them. She finally settled her eye contact with her pauvre petit chiot, who squeezed their still holding hand, "just a bit tired and.." she smiled sheepishly, "hungry".


	2. Chapter 2

It was Saturday, they were supposed to have Kira come over and having their exciting "Classes with Scientists", that's what they named it. But Charlotte knew when to stop asking too many questions or rather make the situation harder than it already was. Ever since her parents came back home from hospital yesterday, the atmosphere had changed drastically. Not that it never happen before, especially when they were 2 extremely independent, driven and stubborn women. What Charlotte knew was, the fights never carry forward to the next day. So, if they continued the cold war today, then it was a date needed to be written down in her family record book. 

 

Charlotte walked down to the kitchen where her breakfast was calling her from, she half expecting her parents stealing kisses, laughing at simple things, drinking those strong coffee peacefully like they usually did. Most of the time, mama Delphine would take charge of breakfast and her lunch box, because mummy Cosima would make every single meal an experiment, and lets not recall those memories of the tastes. 

 

Charlotte tiptoed and made her footstep as light as possible bearing the entrance. Firstly, no laughter echo the whole house, one red flag, no, wait, just wait. Went nearer, head poking out slightly from the edge of wall, she saw two of the smartest, kindest and most loving persons in her life stealing kisses, one marked, ticked. Okay, it was mummy hugging ma from behind while the later one was cooking, and mum just nipping at mama's shoulder, but the expressions looked melancholy, another red flag. Next, no strong coffee aroma, but there were 3 glasses of vegetable juices at the counter, weird. Conclusion, thread carefully. 

 

Yesterday,

 

They sat quietly at the backseats on the way back home, the Uber driver kind of sensed the tension, he decided to not start a conversation especially those clients picked up from hospital. He couldn't help but peeking from the back mirror, and saw the pale lady closed her eyes and trying to get some rest, the dreadlocks lady resting her head at the pale lady's shoulder, her eyes red and exhausted, stared blankly out the window.

 

"There were scar tissues over the heart muscles which may caused by episodes of inflammation or muscle tearing due to extremely pumping" the conversation with the Cardiologist repeated in Cosima mind like a broken recorder. 

He explained, "The scar tissues were not as elastic as normal muscle tissue, thus every time the heart be forced to pump hard or faster while the scar tissues couldn't adapt to, it may restrict the proper heart function and worse tear those scar tissues once again and increase risk of infections", 

"We would start with medications to slow down the heartbeat, avoiding overstrain the muscles, then to reduce the white blood cells count, so that less of them attacking the heart and slow down the scar formation. "

"I would advice slow down the pace of lifestyle, quit smoking, drinking, avoid extreme activities and heavy lifting that would lead to raising heartbeat which may lead to tearing of the scar tissue and causing painful experience", 

"Pacemaker implantation may be needed if the arrhythmia persisted, worst come to worst, stem cell therapy or heart transplant. These treatments would be helpful. " 

"But..", always a bloody but, "in Dr Cormier's case, this unrecognized auto immune disorder, those treatments could only helped temporarily."

 

Cosima just couldn't think straight right now, they found a cure for the clone disease, they found a way to escaped from the island, to bring down DYAD. They just started to live a little, settled down and having Charlotte and building a incredible family with crazy science. She knew life was full of challenges, and they would fight, together, until the end of it. Just why must it always be live or die situation? After everything they fought to survive and here they were, again, fighting to survive? Cosima would never accept it, not when it was Delphine's life at stake this time. They would find a way, they would. 

 

"Cosima!" Delphine called louder at the third time, finally pulled her out from her thought thinking about every possibly causes and solutions that could be available even those still in experimental stage. "Come to bed with me", Delphine extended her hand and Cosima took it without second thought. They had had an uneventful shower and Cosima urged Delphine to have more rest for the day before they have to pick up Charlotte from Sarah's later. Cosima took out her glasses then climbed into bed, her body just automatically closed the gap in between them, head rest on Delphine chest, listened closely to her heartbeats, arm crossed over her torso to pull her closer to herself, took a lungful of smell that was uniquely Delphine's, it was her home.

 

"During the time that I was on the Revival Island", Delphine started hesitatingly, "Dr P.T. Westmoreland controlled the residents from leaving in many ways, isolated island, limited accessibility to transportation" she took a deep breath, pursing her lips tight, her hand gently stroking Cosima's dreadlocks, trying to calm the both of them down, "you remember the white cup that I asked you not to take on the island?" Cosima slowly tilt her head up from her chest, nose nudging at her lower chin, she couldn't look into Cosima's eyes while telling this piece of information, her lips trembled while she continued, "while most residents on the island believed that was the fountain for longer life expectancy and took it willingly, I did not trust it. I tested it while I managed to slip it out a few times. But every time, the solutions showed different results, which meant they changed the contents, and people couldn't find out because it all looked the same, taste the same. Colorless and tasteless." 

 

"Some of them contained small amount of addictive drugs, some were just clear water. There were more unknown ingredients, but I couldn't test it further without raising suspicion, so I assumed those mixture of drugs and solutions they provided regularly, was to ensured those residents escaped wouldn't..wouldn't..stray". Delphine felt the shaking and tighter hold from her wife before hearing the heartbreaking cry from Cosima. She could felt her own tears escaped and wetting her pillow. 

 

Delphine knew she needed to finish this conversation, because they would not revisit this story again, they both knew too well that they would only started another unwanted fight. Therefore she continued, "I tried my best to avoid taking it. There were time where I couldn't avoid it with those watchers ensuring everyone took it, and I needed to gain Dr Westmoreland's trust, he made sure I took it every time before I left the island for research trips." She swallowed all the bravery that she could collected from the air, "since I didn't take it as regularly and it had been almost years ever since I last took it. So far I didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms, I just hoped that whatever was in it, wasn't affecting me that much" She finished the sentence fast as her throat started to constrict, at the end she just whispered, "I didn't know", silently begging Cosima to understand. 

 

"Delphine!" Cosima finally spoke, "It was your life! How could you said you didn't know?" She used her elbow to support her weight, body raised up from Delphine's chest, to look at her face to face. But Delphine had expected the outburst, she closed her eyes tightly and biting at her lower lip, avoiding Cosima's questioning look. She knew her wife too well, but they did not have the luxuries to have those fights anymore, not when there were no much time. "How could you do this to me? To us?", Cosima saw Delphine pressed her hand on her forehead, and whispered something like "Mon dieu, Charlotte" those sorrow increased. That little girl had been through so much, their poor little girl. Cosima pressed her lips into a straight line, shook her head violently, "We will find a cure, there must be a way that can help", and her hand started to move in every directions, "Gene Therapy, Stem Cell Therapy, Organ Cloning, an.. anything", Cosima wouldn't just sit there, there must be a way, and they would find it. they would.

 

===

 

To her surprise, instead of "Classes with Scientists", they were having "Classes with Doctors". They were exploring the anatomy of heart, how the heart pump out blood to the whole body, what activities would make the heart pump faster or harder, what food would increase the heart rate. When mum emphasized about coffee should be avoided, she specifically said it to mama, and gained herself a groaned about "not coffee, not that too". Charlotte and Cosima both chuckled because they both knew coffee was life for mama.

 

The class was fun, they even managed to get themselves a heart rate monitor, a small piece of device that attached to their finger. To test out what activities will increase their own heart rate. They started with squad down then stand up, climbing stairs, small jog in the house, weight lifting. They tested out all kind of weight, started from an egg. Then a glass of water, a jar of water, one basket of fruits, a book, a stack of books, basically they tried out almost everything in the house that could be carried. 

At the end of the "Classes with Doctors", they needed to complete tasks that were designed without raising the heart rate. Mummy Cosima coughed and her heart rate climbed up, Kira was too excited about the competition, her adrenaline boost up her heart rate as well. Charlotte almost won, but her brace around her leg just burdened her even just slightly, her heart just couldn't stay calm. The only winner was mama Delphine, who finished her task elegantly slow and maintained her heart rate at below 70bpm.

 

Mama sit down proudly next to mummy with the smugness that only made mummy pout harder. 

Delphine kissed the pouting away, and whispered "I can take care of myself, Cosima, dont worry" 

"No, we need to be cautious," Cosima replied stubbornly and pressed her forehead at Delphine's chin. 

"Stop thinking so hard, Cosima" Delphine couldn't help, she knew the reason behind Cosima frowning. Cosima designed the task to give her a lesson for not to work too hard. But that required Delphine to fail the task in the first place. "I will try my best to.. to slow down the progress" she reassured. "Live a little, okay?"

"Live to the fullest!" Cosima knew that, during her time of suffer, all she wanted was not be mothered. She wanted to spend every single moment with love and harmony. She hugged her wife tighter, "but no coffee" she added. 

"No way!" Delphine laughed, that was one of the thing that she couldn't live without. "I started taking medication to help maintain the heart rate" she justified.

"Doctor makes the worst patient" Cosima mumbled, then suddenly her brain clicked, "You were cheating! I knew it!" She realized. "You took medication before the class, that's why your heart rate was so stable"

"Opps, busted" Delphine laughed cheekily, and raised her arm to blocked the pillows that were heading her way from Cosima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably just mixed those medical conditions just to meet the plot, sorry for those misleading information  
> Hopefully, things will get lighter in future chapters, I guess.


End file.
